Secrets from the Past
by purple.sunrise
Summary: Set during 2x12. The team heads to Chicago to help when Morgan is arrested. Hotch and Emily have a somewhat heated conversation after the case that a member of the team overhears. Oneshot. 3rd in Hotchniss storyline
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This is on the same storyline as the other one- and two-shots I have published. Hope you enjoy it.**

 **TW for discussion and illusions to past childhood sexual abuse. It is canon for the episode however in this story though nothing graphic it is discussed so I'm adding the TW.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

 _ **Secrets from the past**_

Hotch had just finished a meeting and was headed back to his office.

Walking up to the glass doors, he noticed that Reid was once again experimenting with his canister rockets. Today, he had the audience of JJ and Garcia. Hotch chuckled to himself as he watched Reid wait until both turned around before he would add the chemical components to the film canister. According to Reid, a magician never reveals his secrets.

Reid knew he wasn't supposed to be launching the canister rockets in the office. Hotch and Reid had had several conversations about proper workplace conduct, mostly after several errant launches that had nearly struck others in the bullpen.

A narrow miss of Strauss' assistant as she walked through the bullpen a few months ago had resulted in Hotch being on the receiving end of a lecture about the professionalism of his team from Strauss herself. After that, Hotch had been forced to tell Spencer no more rockets.

But of course as soon as Hotch was out of sight on a slow day, the forbidden toys came out again.

The ironic thing was that Hotch didn't mind the rockets. Or some of the other distractions Reid engaged in… well as long as he didn't break anything and got his work done.

And getting his work done was rarely an issue.

Reid needed to keep his mind engaged once he finished his work. It was actually interesting to see what the young genius created as distractions for himself and some days other people in the bullpen.

As Hotch was about to open the glass doors the SSAIC of one of the counterterrorism teams approaches him with a question. While they conversed, he inwardly groaned as he noticed that Reid was prepping another rocket to launch. Then it launched before Reid, JJ or Garcia saw Emily entering the bullpen.

A second later, it smacked Emily right in the forehead. Hotch winced imperceptibly as he noticed her look up and around confused about what just happened while rubbing her forehead. He was pleasantly surprised a few seconds later that after talking with Reid, Garcia and JJ she smiled and walked over to where they were going to watch the next launch. Yeah, it didn't look like she was too upset.

Hotch did hear her comment about whether he had a sense of humor. While he was sad to hear the question, it did not surprise him. Since Emily had joined the team, he had given her no reason to believe he still had his sense of humor.

Laughter and fun had been a huge part of their relationship 12 years ago. But like so many other aspects, that dynamic wasn't the same.

 **####**

The team responded quickly to the emergency callback, even with it being late at night. When Hotch walked out of his office 25 minutes later, everyone was in the bullpen and in 30, they were at the airstrip.

After takeoff, Hotch updated the team on what little he knew about what was going on with Morgan. Garcia had been left with the task of trying to find out more while the team was in the air.

The charges were extremely serious and not ones that a judge would sign arrest warrant for without some significant evidence. By the time the jet landed in Chicago, everyone just wanted off the jet to go to the police station and find out what was going on with Morgan.

Unfortunately, the information they learn at the police station was unsettling. They quickly discovered that the detectives had developed tunnel vision on their investigation of these murders. They had already decided long before this last murder that Morgan was guilty.

They were using a lot of circumstantial evidence and a profile Gideon had written not knowing that one of his own teammates was a potential suspect. The detectives were dismissive when it was explained that profiles should only be used to narrow a suspect pool not to accuse a particular person. But no level of explanation would turn the detectives off their path of wanting Morgan to be guilty of these horrific crimes against children.

Hotch's conversation with Morgan in the interrogation room was completely frustrating. Morgan was so angry with the situation and his long history with these detectives that he couldn't see the forest for the trees. The team was here to help knowing that the Derek they all knew could never do what he was being accused.

Hotch knew Morgan had trust issues but this time Hotch needed Morgan to trust him. To give him the information he needed to counter the detectives' theories. Hotch was worried if the team didn't get the upperhand soon, that the charges would take on a life of their own.

But Hotch could tell Derek was hiding something. Something big. And it was bigger than the case. So big that the thought of it getting out scared him more than the accusation of murder. And that was worrisome.

The revelation of Morgan's juvenile record was a complete shock to Hotch. As Morgan's supervisor, he should have known, expunged or not. It was the type of history that should have showed up in a background check for a prospective FBI agent.

While his current frustration was centered on Morgan, it just added to the growing list of secrets he was learning or suspecting about members of the team. It was having a similar impact on him as finding out the year before that Gideon had been working for an extended period for the CIA. And Hotch couldn't protect them when he is blindsided like this yet again. What others secrets did Derek have? And what would the fallout be for the team when it came to light?

 **####**

Emily along with Reid were assigned to visit and interview Morgan's family. She was nervous to be doing this interview. She was still very new to the team. This was not how she wanted to learn more about her colleague.

As the interview proceeded, the hair on Emily's neck started to stand up as Morgan's mother discussed the role that a man named Carl Buford had had in Morgan's teen years.

It was a reflex, her gut instinct, that she had learned to trust implicitly. And Emily didn't like what it was telling her.

Looking around, Reid seemed oblivious slowing eating a piece of cake. The detective was just annoyed having to be there with them, sure they already had the correct suspect in custody.

It was clear to Emily that Buford was an important part to the puzzle that was this case. She knew she needed to meet Buford to profile him. To find out where that puzzle piece fit. To see if the sickening feeling she had was justified. She was sure that he was involved in this case in a larger way. She also suspected that Buford had hurt her colleague in an unimaginative way.

But until she knew more she didn't want to tell Hotch what she suspected. But she couldn't go and talk to Buford alone or Hotch would rightly have cause to throw the book at her.

And Reid needed to stay here. They still needed to exhaust this line for the investigation.

And things with Buford could get dicey. The detective would be ideal in this case to accompany her. He could back her up if needed.

And more importantly, the LEOs would consider him to be an unbiased witness if Buford made any statements that could be incriminating.

 **####**

Once Morgan disappeared from the police station, the tension was palpable within the team. The police were more convinced than ever that he was guilty. Finding Morgan first became top priority knowing the LEOs were out for blood.

Emily knew she couldn't wait any longer for someone to put the pieces together. She needed to speak up and it had to be now. Walking over to where the team was strategizing, she took a deep breath. Then looking pointedly at Hotch, she listed off the details about Buford's relationship with Morgan that she and Reid had gained from talking to Morgan's family.

After what seemed like hours but in reality was only a couple minutes, the gravity of her observation seemed to dawn on both Hotch and Gideon and they took off immediately from the police station without explanation. Emily was relieved that they had seemingly understood what she was saying.

And hoped they would find Morgan before it was too late.

An hour later, the anxious team received the call they had been waiting for - Morgan had been cleared. The LEOs along with Hotch and Gideon were bringing in Buford after arresting him for the murders and potentially other charges. Hotch told them to go to dinner. He and Gideon would catch up with them once they finished packing up at the precinct.

 **####**

Having declined dinner with the team, Emily found herself wandering into a bookstore that had been a favorite while she was living in Chicago. As she walked into the store, the smell and warmth instantly hit her and the stress of the day started to disappear.

After browsing some titles, she went over and sat in her favorite overstuffed chair and pondered the events of the day.

She thought about Derek and what he was going through. What he had endured because of Buford. That he had keep those horrible experiences from everyone. Even his loving family. She hoped tonight that he had been able to go back to his mother's apartment with his family.

This case had brought back a lot of memories for her. And not the good kind. Though the circumstances were different, Emily had nearly suffered similar abuse by a trusted adult during one of her mother's postings.

What prevented her from suffering that same fate was the fortuitous interruption by her nanny who had grown suspicious of the attention that particular person was lavishing on her. The situation had prompted a flurry of activities that had her with her grandparents in France a couple of days later still unsure about what had happened. It wasn't until years later that she realized the gravity of what he had been doing and had almost done to her.

But the team couldn't find out. No one could. That is why she had separated from the team as soon as it was feasible. Her emotions were close to the surface.

She was worried if the team saw her this emotional, on her first case travelling with the team, that Hotch was assume she couldn't handle the work. Then he would try to use it as evidence that she couldn't handle being part of the BAU. Use it to cut her from the team.

She would then have to face the choice of whether or not to tell him what happened to her.

 **####**

When Hotch and Gideon arrived at the restaurant, they asked about Prentiss' absence. JJ said that she had excused herself, saying she would catch up with them later. Both JJ and Reid said they didn't question it knowing that until recently, she had worked in Chicago.

Hotch pushed the question of where Emily went to the side.

Today was as close as a victory this team got. They solved 3 murders and got a child molester off the streets. And they helped clear a colleague of serious criminal charges.

All while keeping those knowing Morgan's secret to just him and Gideon. And, Hotch sighed, he was fairly sure that Emily knew as well. He was going to need to talk to her.

 **####**

Emily let her mind wander until she realized she was the only customer left in the store. When she looked at her watch, she realized that it was close to closing time. And it was late and she should get back to the hotel.

Walking through the front door of the hotel, Emily took a few steps before she noticed Hotch sitting in the lobby, glancing at a newspaper.

As she walked through the lobby he looked up and over to her. Before she could walk any further, he gestured for her to come over to join him. She sighed and then pasted a smile on her face. She wasn't ready for a conversation yet but she wasn't going to let him know that.

As she approached him, Hotch stood up and pointed to a more secluded spot in the almost empty lobby of the hotel. At this hour, there were only the 2 clerks at the front desk.

"Hotch, I didn't realize we had a curfew?" Emily said nervously as Hotch motioned towards a couple of navy blue and beige chairs.

After they sat down Hotch looked over at Emily. He had noticed when she walked into the hotel that she wasn't looking as composed as she generally was. He answered quietly with a trace of concern in his voice. "No, no curfew. I just wanted to talk to you about today. You didn't join us for dinner. I decided to see if I could catch you when you returned tonight."

Emily replied relieved. "Oh good about no curfew. I suddenly wasn't sure when I walked in just now. I hadn't been back to Chicago since I moved to DC. I lost track of the time and didn't realize it was this late." She looked over at him, realizing that she was starting to ramble.

Hotch smiled slightly before saying. "It's fine as long we have finished with the case. If we were still working on a case, I'd want you here because we could be called out at any time if there was a change in the case. And during a case, we only take short breaks and during those breaks, I want everyone to be resting."

As he was talking Hotch realized that these expectations were generally included in what he reviewed with new agents to the team during his orientation with them. The orientation that he had pawned off onto JJ to do with Emily. He took a deep breath before continuing,

"In the future, I do ask that if you are going to leave the hotel, you call or text Gideon or me just to let us know. And then also when you return." As he spoke, he saw her looking down at the floor in front of her nodding, picking at her nails.

"Understood. Is that all sir?" Emily said as she looked at him, starting to stand up. Ready to go to her room for the night. However, the look on his face told her that their conversation wasn't over yet.

"No. I also want to talk about the case and Morgan. Prentiss, why when you were asked to talk to Morgan's family did you leave during the interview and have Reid finish alone?" Hotch watched as Emily sat back down in her chair.

Emily took a deep breath and gathered her thoughts before answering his question. "Some of the information that Derek's mother and sisters shared about the head of the youth center concerned me. I thought it would be helpful to speak with Mr. Buford."

"Was it the information you shared with the team before Gideon and I left the police station?" Hotch asked, looking at her intently.

"Yes, sir"

"What conclusion did you formulate about this information?" Hotch inquired. He noticed that Emily's body stiffened briefly before it appeared she forced herself to relax. Then she took in a deep breath and blew it out.

Looking right into Hotch's eyes before answering, Emily said. "That Mr Buford is a sick SOB who should be off the streets and not be allowed anywhere near children ever again. That he killed those boys to cover his own ass. Then tried to and almost succeed in framing Derek for the murders knowing it wouldn't be a hard sell to detectives who have had it out for him for years." As she finished, Emily looked down at the floor in front of her, again picking at her nails.

The pain, sadness and anger had been clear in Emily's response. However, now that he was sure that she did know, Hotch still needed to ask this next question.

"Have you shared your conclusions with anyone else?" Hotch asked her.

Emily returned her gaze to his face and shook her head before answering. "No. And I have no intention of mentioning my conclusions to anyone else, including Derek. From my point of view it would purely be speculation. You could say that it could be strong speculation considering how long I worked with Crimes Against Children. But still speculation. I will only be including an objective recount of what we learned in my report about our interview with the Morgans unless you would like something different."

Emily stopped to take a deep breath before continuing, her voice softer. "If Derek would like to discuss it with me at some point down the road, I would be happy to have a conversation with him, however, the initiation of that conversation would only come from him. I have no intention of rubbing salt in his wounds. The detectives seemed to do enough of that to him already."

Hotch nodded, taking in her words. This was exactly what he had hoped her response would be. "Thank you. That is good to know. I hope at some point he does feel comfortable coming to any of us. No one should have to deal with something like this alone."

"Sometimes alone is the only way to deal with it." Emily said quietly.

Hotch huffed before continuing. "Unfortunately, him keeping those secrets from us slowed down the investigation. Almost got him killed if the LEOs would have found him before us after he left the station."

Emily looked at Hotch incredulously. She turned and glanced around the lobby for signs of anyone from the team, seeing no one she continued. "You are going to hold it against him for keeping this part of his past a secret? We all have secrets, Aaron. And they are secrets because the information they contain can hurt us in some way. No one wants that."

Hotch looked at her surprised It was the first time in over 12 years that she called him Aaron. He had missed the way she said his first name. "There are consequences to keeping things quiet too."

Emily seethed. "You're not one to talk about keeping secrets, Aaron."

"What is that suppose to mean….Emily?" Hotch replied, slightly amused as he remembered their argument in the gym not that long ago where she insisted that the time would never come up where using first names would be an option.

Emily read and became annoyed by his amusement. "You know exactly what I mean. Are you going to tell the team about us? About our past?"

Hotch froze, any amusement completely gone. "Of course not."

"So it's OK to keep your secrets quiet but no one else can. Because I think our past would have a greater impact how the team functions than something that happened with Derek over 20 years ago." Emily asked, challenging him though she wanted the team to find out about their past even less than he did. She was almost certain that if the team was to find out at this point, her days in her current position would be numbered.

"That's different and you know it. Are you saying you do want to tell them?" Hotch jabs back.

However as much as he didn't want to, he could see her point. If the time ever came that the team was going to find out about their past, he would want him and Emily to tell them on their own terms. He wouldn't want the it to come out because of a case. He had missed when she baited him with making the conversation personal. But he couldn't figure out why she had become defensive.

Emily shot back at him. "Yes I do know it's different. Of course I don't want to tell them. But why is our privacy more important than everyone else's? It's not. And just like you I want our past to stay there… in the past."

Of course, keeping their past quiet was the safest decision for both of them. Hotch was married. They worked together now.

Even without those impenetrable barriers, there wasn't a chance of a relationship for them. Emily couldn't see a scenario where she could trust him enough again after he walked away without a word for 12 years.

But even with that betrayal and all the pain he caused her, Emily knew she still had feelings for him. And it sucked to be in love with someone you could never be with again.

Taking a breath, Emily continued. "But you can't vilify Derek for keeping something like this secret. For the next little while, having this information out there is going to make him feel vulnerable. If you start treating him differently or he picks up on your annoyance, it will reinforce why he kept it a secret and he will never fully trust you again."

Hotch nodded, agreeing with her point. Understanding the concern that came with her experience with Crimes Against Children. Suddenly he felt the need to make a clarification. "The secret I was referring to with Derek was his previous record. Not what Buford did to him."

Emily rolled her eyes and shot back. "Come on, Aaron. You mean the juvenile record? The one that was expunged and sealed. The one that didn't show up in the deep background check done when he applied to the FBI. The one with charges all filed by the 2 biased detectives that we met today. Maybe he thought it was in his file and you knew but because it was juvenile and expunged, it wasn't a problem. Or maybe he thought if it was a problem, it come back to haunt him long before now."

Hotch looked at her, surprised by the intensity of what she just said. And then he nodded and looked away, knowing Emily was right.

With Morgan's expunged record being brought to the surface, because of this case, the Bureau may create an issue for him. The next few weeks may be challenging for him. However, Hotch wasn't going to let it affect Morgan's position on the team. Morgan had always done good work and was an important part of the BAU. He would give Morgan his support if needed.

They both sat there quietly considering what had just been said both missing the person who had been concealed across the lobby who was now quietly walking back to the elevators.

Sensing her shift in the chair next to him, Hotch's attention returned to Emily. Emotions had settled down between them. Hotch could see the blush on Emily's face. And she wouldn't look over at him. He could tell that she wanted to be done with this conversation. But he had one more item to address with her.

"Emily... look at me." He then wait until she was looking at him and he had her attention before continuing, trying to keep his voice calm. "I need you to call me if you are going to switch locations from where I assign you. I meant what I said the other day about how important communication is when we are in the field. Buford was the UNSUB. The detective who went with you and was backing you up wasn't being objective. He saw Buford as a local hero."

Hotch stopped as he saw her nod her head before going on. "I am responsible for the life and safety of the entire team. I can't do that if you end up somewhere other than where I send you. I always need to know where each member of the team is when you are in the field. If a complication arises in the case, I need know immediately if any of us are potentially in danger."

Hotch continued. "Following a lead can be important in advancing the case but I need to know. Gideon and I had already spoken to Buford when he came in with the family of the boy killed yesterday. If you had called, one of us could have told you that Buford was at the station and we were already talking to him."

"Reid knew where you went, but he stayed where he was assigned. He didn't check in until 45 minutes after you left. It was over an hour after you had left before we found out you were not still with him. He had not mentioned it when he called for a ride back because he thought we already knew. A lot can happen in an hour with the type of criminals we are chase." Hotch felt his heart clench as he said those words.

He had been worried when Reid had said that Emily was no longer with him. As angry as he had been with her since she left him, he never wanted her to be injured or killed. Whether he wanted them or not, he still had feelings for her. He wanted to keep her safe. Or as safe as anyone could be as a member of the BAU. But he needed her to do her part.

"I also don't want you to separate from the team member I send you with. Why didn't all 3 of you go to follow up?" Hotch asked.

Emily nodded before explaining, "We needed to find out if the Morgans had any more information that we could use. That is why I had Reid stay.

And with what I was starting to suspect, I didn't want bring Reid. If this was the closely held secret that Derek was keeping, the fewer people he worked with finding out because of the case, the better.

Although I completely agree the detective was not being objective, for my purposes, that was a benefit. He was the perfect corroboration if Buford made any incriminating statements."

Hotch nodded, stood up and waited for her to do the same. Looking at her, he said "Ok. It's late and we both should get some sleep. Wheels up at 9AM. We are meeting for breakfast here and then leaving right afterwards. Good night Prentiss."

"Goodnight, sir." Emily said before she turned and walked over to the elevator to go up to her room.

Hotch watches as she walks away. He had been prepared to lay into Emily when she returned to the hotel. For not joining the team for dinner AND disappearing without letting him know. He had been prepared to do that UNTIL he saw how off kilter she looked when she walked into the hotel. And when he saw her showing that level of vulnerability, even just briefly, everything he planned to say to her just evaporated. Her body language worried him.

Was it the case or whatever her mysterious errand was before she returned to the hotel? Either way, she wasn't going to share the reason with him. And he had only himself to blame. He had been suspicious and confrontational with her since the day she started at the BAU.

He wasn't even sure at this point if she would come to him if she encountered a work related problem which was not ideal as he started to transition her into the field. He would have to keep a close watch on her. And do a better job of keeping himself in check when interacting with her.

 **####**

Emily enters her hotel room and quickly closed and locked the door. She only made it a couple of steps away from the door before she slid down the wall until she was sitting on the floor. She reached up and roughly wiped the tears from her cheek. Then she pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs.

Now that it was over, the emotions that this case stirred up were coming to the surface.

Her time away from the team earlier had helped reinforce her walls.

However, the long conversation with Aaron had been exhausting and had tapped into what was behind her walls. Thankfully the conversation had ended before she broke down in front of him. That would have shown a weakness which she could not risk.

She was upset for what she knew her teammate had once gone through. Emily didn't need to listen to the interrogation or read a report for the specifics of what happened. The knowledge that he had gone through a horrible experience was enough.

Taking a deep breath, Emily pushed away from wall and stood up. Wiping her face, she walked over to her bag. Taking out her pajamas, she going into the bathroom to shower. Sleep wasn't going to come easy tonight and she wanted to try as soon as possible. Morning and returning to Quantico couldn't happen soon enough.

 **####**

As the team settled in for the return trip to Quantico, Hotch observed his team. Reid and JJ were sitting together quietly talking. Gideon was sitting alone, reading. He had been distracted all morning. From his long history with Jason, Hotch knew that something was bothering the older profiler. But that wasn't surprising or unique today.

When Hotch's eyes fell onto Emily he found himself cataloguing her behavior, exploring if there was any of the same inner turmoil he had seen in her eyes the evening before.

Superficially, Emily seemed to be her usual flawless self. However his concern had started back at the hotel. Emily hadn't joined the team for breakfast.

When the subject came up, Reid had mentioned that he had seen her heading back upstairs with a cup of coffee when he came down. Skipping both dinner and breakfast with the team was worrisome particularly after their discussion last night.

However, he sighed, this was her first time traveling with the team. He really could be reading too much into it since he hadn't noticed her displaying any of her stress tells this morning as she had been the evening before.

When they reached the jet, she had chosen to sit apart from the rest of the team. It appeared that she was working on her report from this last case.

Again, he couldn't make any conclusion about it since there could be numerous reasons that she was sitting alone though it was unusual. Since joining the team, Emily typically went out of her way to interact with the rest of the team.

Hotch looked back down at his own paperwork. There was nothing he could do now. He was certain that something was still off with her. Unfortunately the answer of what wasn't there right now.

 **####**

As Emily settled into her seat on the jet, she pulled out the file that had the paperwork she needed to complete for this case. With it out on the table in front of her, Emily let her mind wander.

Morning had come after a long and fitful night plagued with nightmares. After being unable to get back to sleep, she had looked at the clock, noticing that the team was meeting for breakfast in the lobby restaurant in 30 minutes. Even with skipping dinner the evening before, she had no desire to eat. She knew that she needed to use the time to regain control of herself. There was no way she could look weak in front of her teammates.

However, knowing she was going to need some coffee to get through the day, she quickly changed into sweats and headed down to the lobby for a cup of coffee. Once back in her room and looking in the mirror, Emily noticed it was going to be a heavy concealer day if she didn't want the team to see the circles under her eyes.

She had timed her return to the lobby perfectly. The team was just finishing up at the restaurant as she was just checking out at the front desk.

 **####**

A few days later in the break room at the BAU, Derek comes up to Emily.

"Hey Prentiss, I want to thank you for your interview with my mom and sisters. They appreciated your calmness and approach. They also mentioned you helped in shutting down the detective and Reid's tangents."

"It was wonderful to meet them. I just wish the circumstances would have been different."

"Me too, Prentiss. Me too." Morgan says as they walk to their respective desk to work on their files for the day.


	2. Author's Note

As I mentioned last week, I have placed all of the oneshots on the Hotchniss storyline into one document and will continue the story there.

The new story's title is Our Unpredictable Road.


End file.
